New Beginnings

One week of school completed. How many to go? Actually, let’s not count that number. The first week of school is always the beginning. The beginning of what you ask? Well, that’s up to you to decide. Is it the beginning of another dreadful year or the beginning of a year of growth? Is this the year you are going to surrender those areas of your life that you tend to hold on to and give them to the Lord? Is this the year to break out of your comfort zone and reach out to others?

To be completely honest, I was very ready for the school year. I like schedules, routines, and school. Yes, you read that right, I like school. Must be the teacher in me coming out. But seriously, I was more ready than I had ever felt. But I wasn’t just looking forward to school, I was most importantly looking forward to what God was going to do through me and how He was going to change me.

Before this school year even started, God started working in my heart in a way I had never experienced before. He was challenging me to reach out to others. Personally, I am not a super outgoing person-I am a simple introvert. Going out of my comfort zone is really scary for me at times, but I knew if this was something God wanted me to do, I was going to do it-but only through His strength. I felt Him preparing my heart for this opportunity and I started to really pray about it.

At the end of last year, I was given the opportunity to become a CRU leader. Something that really blew my mind was that I had been praying about it and then one day I was asked. I have already felt the Lord stretch me in so many ways! It’s only been a week, but I can only imagine how different of a person I will be at the end of the year! I’ve never felt the need to reach out to other people-I always let my own selfishness take over that part of me-but God has been teaching me the importance of that. As I’ve experienced those times this week I have felt uncomfortable, excited, and amazed at the boldness that the Lord has given me. As I continue this journey, I know it will only get better.

The first week of classes has been overwhelming but exciting. My professors have been so inspiring and passionate about the field of education-it only makes me that much more excited. I’m realizing the responsibility and influence I will have as a teacher-I definitely feel intimidated but I know this is what the Lord has called me to do in this season of my life. I am so thankful that He has called me into the mission field of education. I am thankful that He has ignited this passion in my heart to love on children, teach them, and continue to be changed personally. I am very excited to become a teacher, but in the meantime, I have SO much to learn.

I feel like my life is chaotic to say the least. College tends to do that to my life. The homework, clubs, work, classes, etc, life never stops moving. It can be challenging to know if and when to add another commitment. I am excited to get involved with my church’s children’s ministry called River City Kids. At first I was hesitant with everything I had going on, but I want to serve God with the gifts and passions that He has given me. If I’m not serving Him, I am wasting what He has given me. 

As for work, I have a new group of 28 first graders. What an exciting week it was. I know this year is going to be a challenge, but I have seen myself grow so much through this job. I can’t believe I have been working at the Y for almost two years. This job has been a handful, but it is only going to prepare me more to be a teacher, and I get to hang out with 28 wonderful first graders every day. That is a blessing within itself.

This week was full of new beginnings and opportunities. It was crazy. It was exciting. It was overwhelming. But it is my new beginning. A year to grow closer to my Heavenly Father. A year to create new friendships with my brothers and sisters in Christ. A year to step out of my comfort zone and to see Him stretch me. A year to see in what areas I sin and how I need Christ even more. A year to experience Christ in a deeper passion. This is a year that God is going to blow away my expectations.

This is my new beginning. What’s yours?

With Blessings,

Heather

Keeping Score

It is 1 am and I cannot sleep. I know there is a reason for this. I believe this is a time that the Lord wants me to share what He’s been doing in my life, so here I am writing this blog when I should probably be sleeping. I pray that the Lord can use this post to encourage you, strengthen you, and reveal Himself to you. I pray that the Lord can use me, give me the words to say, and that He can receive ALL the glory.

I used to think I was a good person. I volunteered, went to church, didn’t party, drink, or do any “bad” things. I did well in school, had good friends, and tried to have it all together. God has changed my view of myself.

I am not a good person. So who am I?

By myself I am selfish. I am prideful. I am sinful. I am hopeless. I am jealous. I am self serving. I am bitter. I am lost. And I am doomed.

In Christ I am a child of the King. I am saved. I am redeemed. I am spotless. I am forgiven. I am hopeful. I am joyful. I am serving Christ. I am humble. I have found the way. And I have received the greatest gift of all.

For the longest time, I believed I was this “good person”. The Lord has been teaching me that all these “good” things do not add up to anything. Yes, it is important to spend time serving other people and His kingdom, participate in healthy activities, and to be responsible with school, but those are the little things. I realized what I was doing-keeping score.

Every time I did something “good” I would put a check on my “scoreboard”. I kept track of all the good things I did. I let them define me and I was happy to. But then God showed me all the selfishness I was storing up.

I have been experiencing a lot of growth this summer. It has been hard at times, but the Lord is surely changing me. I have realized that in Christ I have far more valuable and important qualities than by myself. It’s hard to take in at times but our God is a patient God. 

Take time today to ask the Lord to reveal these ugly qualities that often disguise themselves in our hearts. Ask Him to forgive you, remove them, and to replace them with Him. Then you will be whole.

Happy Sunday-Have a wonderful day worshiping the Lord and lifting His name on high.

With Blessings,

Heather

Don't Stop the Madness

If I could use one work to describe my week it would be madness.

Between packing, moving out, cleaning, starting summer classes, moving back into my parents place, and work, I have had no time to even sit down. I quickly found myself overwhelmed at the beginning of the week-a sure sign that it was going to be a hard week. I felt the stress of deadlines-packing, moving boxes, cleaning, etc. and the pressure of starting a three week summer biology class (Science is not my strongest subject).

By Tuesday morning, I was overwhelmed and felt tears whelming up in my eyes. I realized the security in my plans for moving did not go as planned. Since moving got delayed, we ended up changing everything. For a planner like me, a complete change in schedule freaks me out. I do not like sudden changes. It’s how I am. Do I like it? Not at all.

Then Wednesday hit. Feeling tired, worn, and not ready for what the day demanded, I hit the road at 7 am to go to a three hour biology class. Not to mention that my class ended up being on the 4th floor-that’s 70 stairs if you’re wondering. The only goal of my day was simple-to survive and not have a breakdown.

But then a song came on the radio.

The song is called “Don’t Stop the Madness” by Tenth Avenue North. This song talks about how the madness, chaos, and pain in our lives is used in order for the Lord to break our hearts and make us more like Him. It’s a desperate cry to the Lord to break our deceitful, foolish, and idolized hearts. And it’s not fun.

Here are the lyrics:

There's a beggar down inside of me

Standing on the corner of the street

And my shame is my only company

Can use some cash, but can't admit my need

For what you've got and what I could receive

I need you love to come and break the silence

Don't stop the madness

Don't stop the chaos

Don't stop the pain surrounding me

Don't be afraid, Lord, to break my heart

Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

All I hear is what they're selling me

That God is love, he isn't suffering

And what you need's a little faith and prosperity

But, oh my God, I know there's more than this

If you promise pain it can't be meaningless

So make me poor if that's the price for freedom

Don't stop the madness

Don't stop the chaos

Don't stop the pain surrounding me

Don't be afraid, Lord, to break my heart

If it brings me down to my knees, yeah

In a marriage lost

And the cry in the dark

Don't stop with your love

And the mother's tear

For the child that starves

Don't stop with your love

When we're breaking down

We're falling apart

Don't stop with your love

And with new eyes to see

This is your mercy

Don't stop with your love

Don't stop the madness

Don't stop the chaos

Don't stop the pain inside of me

Do whatever it takes to give me your heart

And bring me down to my knees, Lord

I was so grateful the Lord orchestrated this moment in order to remind me of the blessing “chaos” can be in my life. I realized how much I relied on my plans to follow through, and when they didn’t, I was upset. But I need to rely on the Lord. His plans NEVER fail.

The madness that fills our lives is never going to stop. It is a constant struggle, and although it may seem never ending, there is rest in the arms of our Savior. I can’t help but look back at my week and be amazed of how I made it through. How the Lord taught me so much, and how I neglected to spend time with Him when I obviously needed it the most. If life was easy, we would not need the Lord. But through the madness, we find the peace, comfort, and strength we need-which is worth every single second of chaos.

With Blessings,

Heather 

Struggles (In Singleness)

We all have our struggles. Struggles for joy, contentment, or peace. Lately, I have been faced with a new struggle. I have been content about this situation, but now I am feeling the pains of this struggle. So what is my struggle?

Contentment in my singleness.

I have enjoyed be single for many reasons and have always felt like it was the right stage for me during different seasons of my life. I have felt contentment and joy, knowing I was waiting for the Lord to orchestrate the relationship of my future husband and I. A couple years ago, I read a book called “Sacred Singleness” by Leslie Ludy. This book spoke to me in so many ways and helped me to see my singleness as a blessing and not a burden. I encourage all my friends to read this book because it has been such an encouragement to me.

Every night, I pray for my future husband. I also enjoy writing to him. It may seem like a weird concept, but through all the prayers and letters, I have felt this connection to him. But I don’t know who he is. It’s hard to understand but I feel it. Praying for him has become something very important to me because I know every single person needs prayers. I pray for strength in hard times, purity, growth in the Lord, and that his friendships and relationships would be glorifying to the Lord. I also pray that if he does not know the Lord yet, that he would be convicted and know this never-ending love. I want a Christ centered relationship and what better way than to start it out with prayer years before our relationship even begins.

Although this has been a struggle for me, I cling to the promise of Romans 8:28. This verse has been such a rock for me through everything in life I’ve experienced. So I rest in the comfort of knowing that God has provided this struggle and this season of my life for MY good. Through my singleness, I have been able to develop a relationship with the Lord and focus on Him. I know the Lord is preparing me for my future husband and is also preparing my future husband for me. It is encouraging to know that this is a time of growth that will impact any future relationships I may have.

The Lord knows the inward desires of our hearts. I trust in His faithfulness and timing, knowing He has it all under control. This season of my life has a purpose. A purpose of growth-spiritually and personally. I know someday it is going to be so worth the waiting and getting to walk down the aisle to my future husband. To go before God and our friends and family to vow our faithfulness to each other and the Lord. What a beautiful picture of the love of Christ and His church it will be!

With Blessings,

Heather 

Rejoicing in Singleness

What does Valentine’s Day mean to me? Well let me tell you...

It’s not some day where I feel sad, depressed, or angry because I’m single, rather, it’s a day where I spend a little more time thinking and praying about my future husband. Every day, I pray for my future husband. God has really given me a desire to pray for my future husband, even though I do not know who he is. At about age 16, I started feeling the urge to pray and write to my future husband and marriage, and since then, I have spent time every day praying just for him. Through praying, I have felt this connection to my future husband. That may sound confusing or weird, but I seriously feel that. It’s like I know him but I don’t at the same time. It’s overwhelming to know that I am praying for someone I haven’t met, yet I care so much about him. 

I am thankful for this time that the Lord has given me to focus on Him. I know during this time I am able to grow in my relationship with Him without any other distractions. I also see this time as a time of growth. The Lord is working in my life and shaping me into the person He desires me to become. The more I grow in my single season, the more positives I bring into my future relationship/marriage. It’s really cool to look at it in that way. I know God is changing me to be the person my future husband needs.

I am filled with the joy of Christ knowing His ways are prevailing in my life. He is doing something incredible in my heart and life, and it’s something that will benefit my future marriage. I know in God’s timing He will bring my future husband into my life. Until then, I get to experience this time with the Lord where my passion and focus is on Him alone.

I am excited to see who God has for me to spend the rest of my life with, but until then, I must be patient. Some days are easier than others, but I know it will be worth it. Who knows how long my singleness season will last, but I know by praying for my future husband, I can already take a part in my future marriage. How beautiful is that?

With blessings,

Heather

Unconditional Love

These past two months have been a struggle. I have felt lost and far away from God. My desire to spend time with Him disappeared, and earlier this week, God convicted me of this. I have been literally trying to write this blog post for two months now. I sat down in front of my Macbook and started typing, but would find myself deleting sentence after sentence. I could not get the right words out, but it was the Lord teaching me something and He wasn’t quite finished.

I LOVE planning and organizing my life. Don’t ask why, but I enjoy that type of stuff. My day is always planned out-to do lists and all-and whenever I don’t have my “plan”, I feel lost. Another thing about me is that I always try to be prepared and think ahead. So it’s normal to say that I have been thinking about my summer plans. But that’s when things started to get frustrating.

This school year has opened many opportunities and decisions for me: stay in Fargo, work at camp, Summer Project, and so on. But with these opportunities came decision making-something I was not prepared for. Since summer is approaching (Hallelujah!), people have been asking me what my summer plans consist of. And for once in my life, I have no plan. Answering this question consisted of a simple shrug of my shoulders and a “I have absolutely no idea”.

As I prayed about summer, I didn’t hear God’s voice. I continued to pray and continued to hear nothing. I was to the point where I was frustrated with God. Why couldn’t I hear his voice? This led me to many nights full of tears and frustration. The idea of being patient and waiting was hard for me to do. I felt the pressure of deadlines approaching, and I became even more anxious as I waited for the Lord to answer.


But this is not what this blog is about. It’s about what the Lord taught me through this “quiet” time in my life.


The Lord has convicted me of what I have been doing-having a conditional relationship with Him. So what exactly is a conditional relationship? In my words, a conditional relationship is one in which both people expect something out of it. “If” is the key word. If you give me this, I will give you that in return. 

On the other hand, an unconditional relationship is one in which love is poured out to the other person no matter what. Right and wrongs do not count. Mistakes do not count. No matter what happens, you will always love the other person. No strings attached. With the Lord, this means no matter what He’s doing in my life, where he has placed me, or what He has taken away will not change my love for Him, it will only increase. At the end of the day, it is saying “Blessed be the name of the Lord”, no matter what is going on in life.

Since God obviously wasn’t giving me the answer to my question when I wanted, my relationship with Him was lacking. I didn’t desire Him-why? God doesn’t look at me and see my sinful ways or my lack of desire for Him and just walk away. No, He continues to seek and love me so much more than I can even begin to comprehend. Even when I reject Him, He continues to love me. God’s relationship with me isn’t conditional, it’s unconditional. So why should I be able to pull out the conditional card when the going gets tough?

My relationship with the Lord is not always an easy one. Every single day I fall short of God’s glory. It reminds me I’m not perfect. Throughout the different seasons in life, I find myself in an array of emotions. Some seasons I am so thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life and then there are the times where I don’t know what God is doing. I constantly give God conditional love while he gives me unconditional love in return. It’s beautiful and overwhelming how much God loves us. He does answer our prayers-just not in our timing. I guess a big part of life is figuring out how to take the focus off yourself and put your focus on Christ. But when we do this, we can find full satisfaction and joy in the One who showed us what unconditional love really means.

With Blessings,

         Heather

Weakness {2 Corinthians 12:9}

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

-2 Corinthians 12:9

I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling helpless. It is one of the worst feelings out there. Knowing I can’t do anything to help my situation makes me feel absolutely frustrated, but knowing I have a God who can do anything makes me feel absolutely comforted. It’s so hard to “embrace” helplessness with open arms. I often tell myself I can still do it, even when I know I can’t.

Yesterday at work, I felt helpless. Because I am stressed due to finals, projects, presentations, etc, I have become sick. My voice is almost gone, and when working with children, that’s not a good combination.  As I started out the day, my voice was rough, but I felt like everything was going fine.

Then the afternoon hit.

I became tired, overwhelmed, and stressed, and on top of that, my voice was getting worse. As I tried to lead my 1^st graders and direct them, it became very evident that it wasn’t going to be smooth sailing. My “voice” was not going to overpower them. I was given a situation where I did not know how to handle it, and frustration poured in.  At one point in the afternoon, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I felt helpless. And there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Talk about humbling.

I had to rely on my wonderful co-workers to talk loud for me and on the mercy of my 1^st graders-that they would listen and be quiet if I needed to talk.  As frustrated as I was, it became very evident that we all need help at some point. Mine happened to be that I couldn’t talk loud; another persons may be that they need to vent or get advice.

Throughout the afternoon, I was venting my frustration to God. Why did this have to happen during the last two weeks of school? As if I didn’t have enough stuff to do already. God quickly convicted me that I am trying to glorify myself through what I am doing. I wasn’t glorifying God because I wasn’t completely relying on Him. I was relying on my own strength, and it failed me.

I am constantly amazed to see how God takes my brokenness and makes it beautiful. I get to experience God is so many different ways and see how amazing my Heavenly Father is. It is always in those moments where I am helpless. Being helpless is not a burden-it’s a blessing.

As God laid this on my heart, 2 Corinthians 12:9 popped into my head. I quoted this verse, and it hit me how I need to BOAST in my weakness. The power of Christ will rest in me. I don’t know about you, but when I thought about it, I felt comfort and peace like no other.  Every semester seems to get longer and harder, but it’s a perfect place to embrace weakness and rest in God’s strength.

My prayer is that God can be glorified through your weakness. Remember that God is doing something through your weakness, even if it’s something as minor as losing your voice. What a comfort to know that I don’t control my life. If I did, man, would my life be messed up!

Happy End of the Semester!!

With Blessings,

         Heather