The Beginning of the End

In exactly 7 days, I will be back home in North Dakota. As much as I am excited, I am sad to be done with project and leave this amazing community. I was not sure when it was going to hit (the fact that I am leaving) but it hit this morning in church. It was one of those moments. I was trying to take in the moment-being in our last church service here in Seaside Park. This church has loved and served us so well in countless ways-thank you is not enough. 

I remember our first Sunday at church. It was a little overwhelming. I met a lot of people. There is one moment in particular I remember: We were singing "Amazing Grace" and tears filled my eyes. At that moment, I was not sure why I was here. And honestly, I really did not want to be here. I was questioning why I was on project and facing a lot of doubt. As I sang the lyrics "my chains are gone, I've been set free", I realized I did not have to be afraid of this summer. I've been given the ultimate freedom. I will never forget this moment and how God truly met me in a time of weakness. 

Now, nine weeks later, I sat in our last church service. It was emotional for me. We started worship by singing "Great is Thy Faithfulness". I could not help but reflect on how faithful God has been throughout the past 9 weeks of project. I was overwhelmed with emotions: thankfulness, sadness, and joy. He has been so faithful, even in my uncertainty. 

Leaving project is going to be difficult. There are going to be lots of tears. Even as I'm writing, there are tears. At the beginning of project, all I wanted to do was go home. Now I do not even want to leave. Being back with my family, first graders, and friends will be great, but nothing can replace my summer project family. God is faithful.

With Blessings,

Heather 

Self Confidence vs. God Confidence {Reflections from 2 Timothy 1:10-12}

During my time with the Lord, I have been reading the book of 2 Timothy. I have been studying it for a little over a week and I am only on verse 12-there is so much in each verse! Tonight, I was reading verses 10-12 and something really stuck out to me. Before I share what I have been learning, here is a little background on this book.

The author is Paul in which he is writing to Timothy-his disciple. Paul is in prison awaiting death yet he continues to point Timothy to the Gospel and encourage him to carry it on. Paul truly shows the perseverance in the Gospel, even among his suffering. It is in one’s weakness in which true character is revealed. Despite his suffering, Paul shows true life is found in Jesus Christ-not in anything in or of this world. 

(2 Timothy 1:10-12 ESV)

...And which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me”.

I have an ESV Study Bible with numerous footnotes, maps, and illustrations that I use during my quiet time. After meditating on this passage, I read the notes to see some of the context of these verses. 

In verse 10, Paul states: “But I am not ashamed, for I know who I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me”. This verse alone shows the confidence Paul has in God and for him to finish the work he has done through His apostle. Amidst Paul’s imprisonment, He claims Christ. Paul does not have confidence in himself, he has confidence in God. 

There is something different about Paul. From reading about his conversion in the book of Acts to reading about his imprisonment in 2 Timothy, you can see that transformation. Not only in this man’s heart but also his mind. See, Paul doesn’t have self-confidence, he has God-confidence. 

This got me thinking about what I chose-self confidence or God-confidence. I can tell you that many times I chose self-confidence. I do not choose to rely on the Lord or to be led by the Spirit. I often notice my own weaknesses instead of seeking out God’s strengths. With God-confidence I am: empowered, strengthened, chosen, cherished, bold, and capable. With self-confidence I am: weak, selfish, dependent on self, worried, and doomed for failure. 

I have never considered myself to be a bold individual. I do not usually take risks and live life on the edge. I weigh my decisions carefully, think logically, and stay within my comfort zone. Being on summer project has taught me a lot about boldness. Although I may not think I am bold, in Christ I truly am. 

Self confidence says I am not bold. God-confidence says I am bold.

Paul was not born with all these special skills and talents, rather, God equipped Paul and Paul depended on God. I often look at the authors of the Bible and think “Wow, they must have been extraordinary individuals”, but in reality, a lot of these men were just like us. They sinned. But they made bold steps of faith because of God-confidence. 

This summer has been filled with a lot of bold steps of faith. When I have tried to depend on my own strength and confidence, I simply failed. When I depended on the Lord and God-confidence, He did amazing things. With less than two weeks left of project, I want to depend on God-confidence, not self-confidence. Whether it is at work, sharing the Gospel, or encouraging a friend. 

So what are you going to choose: self-confidence or God-confidence?

With Blessings,

Heather 

Reflections on the term "Project": How the End is Just the Beginning

Yesterday at Bible study, the Lord gave me a thought-one that intrigued and made me reflect on what project really means. I started writing this blog but then stopped. I did not know if the Lord was still teaching me something about this. I often find myself starting a blog but then finishing it months later-sometimes the Lord starts teaching me something but it often turns into a continual process.

 According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word "project" has many different meanings. Here are a few:

-to put or set forth

-to attribute (one's own ideas, feelings, or characteristics) to other people

I often find myself saying: "When project ends..." or "After project is over.." but it is not something that ends. The actual project itself may end but the experiences and the things we have learned will continue to shape how we live our lives. When I first thought of the word project, I thought of something like a school project-it demonstrates what we have learned and can close up a unit of study. Summer project is the opposite. We sign up, raise support, trust God, and learn more about Him. We are truly being equipped for the rest of our lives.

In Hoboken, NJ (NYC is right behind us)

Watching fireworks with my house

I can bet that most of us, if not everyone, desires to have that "project experience" and to leave with amazing stories of what God did. I know I do. We try to pinpoint one single experience to define our time on project but it is impossible. Project is made up of the many moments-the fun, hard, and scary moments. God is doing something different in each of our lives. Not one experience will be the same.  The Lord has convicted me of how I desire this type of experience-not for His glory, but for my own. I should be desiring stories that point others to Him and allow God to be glorified.

Lately, I have been cherishing the time I have here on project because I know our time is limited here. Come August 2nd, project will end but it will not be over. In reality, project will never end for us. On August 2nd, we will leave each other and the community we have formed over the past ten weeks. The things that we have learned, the impact this community has had, and the training we have received will not leave us. In reality, the end is just the beginning! It is hard to look at project that way-August 2nd will be a day full of hard goodbyes, but just to each other-the lessons we have learned will live on.

I am definitely ready to go home but not ready to leave. It's a difficult contrast to have. I cannot describe how much I love this community and how genuine it has been over the past 7 weeks. I've only known these people since the end of May and we are already closer than ever. I've experienced close community before, but this one takes the cake. This is my last summer as a college student and I am so thankful I am spending it on project. As of today, we have three weeks left here. In three weeks I am going to say some of the hardest goodbyes. 21 days. I'm ready to be back in the Midwest but not ready to leave. The next three weeks are going to be great. God is going to do big things. And that is just the beginning.

With Blessings,

Heather