Honestly, it was the hardest week of my life. It was a rollercoaster of emotions as I sorted through how I was feeling day by day. I questioned my career choice and seriously started thinking of what I should do after this year. Maybe I was getting a little ahead of myself, but that's how I honestly felt. I cried a lot. I wished I could somehow get out of my contract. I DREADED going to school on the second day. I googled "experiences of first year teachers" to see if anyone else felt the same way. The results: every new teacher. I thought to myself "How can something I've wanted to do for 18 years turn out like this?"
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| A chart from a first year teacher study. This is completely accurate and spot on. |
Don't get me wrong, I came into this career knowing it was not going to be easy. It's been overwhelming, exhausting, and stressful. I honestly feel clueless and lost. There is so much to learn that you are not taught in college. Everything is new-building layout, students, staff, rules/expectations, curriculum, and everything else. It's a learn on the job type of thing while being in charge of little humans. I'm trying to teach them how to sit at the carpet, manners, academics, and other routines/expectations. When you feel like you have no control, it's hard to be in control of other people.
"I'm so thankful that my identity does not come from teaching, but comes from Christ. If I found my identity in teaching, it would be messy".
The good thing? I'm not alone. I have an amazing mentor teacher, staff, and principal to help me out. I'm not afraid to ask for help or questions, and I've definitely asked a lot! I know I do not know everything. Heck, I feel like I know nothing ;)
I'm so thankful that my identity does not come from teaching, but comes from Christ. If I found my identity in teaching, it would be messy. Don't get me wrong, there have been times in life where I have tried to find my identity in other things such as school and teaching, but they've failed me and continue to fail me (unlike God). I know that God has given me a heart for children and teaching. I know God is good through all of this. And in this season of life, this is where He has me. It may change 2, 10, or 20 years down the road. But I trust in His unfailing promise. His goodness. His sovereignty.
That was my first week. I know every week won't be like that but it was quite the rollercoaster. No matter what, my students will show up, they will learn, and they will be loved.
With Blessings,
Miss Brasel (my "new" name) ;)
