Although Christmas break was absolutely amazing, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Sadly enough, I had to go back to school, but this time, it was different. Monday rolled around and started pretty early; I worked at 6:45 am til 8:05 am and then went to class a couple hours later. It felt weird getting ready to go to a new school and I definitely had a lot of mixed emotions throughout the morning. As I arrived on campus and started walking around, I gave myself a little pep talk. This was it. The day I had feared, thought a lot about, prepared for, and most importantly, prayed for. The feeling of campus was so much different than Northwestern’s, but I expected that. Thinking ahead, I decided to find my first class, but of course, I got lost. Imagine that, me getting lost ;) I could not find my classroom and it was a super scary feeling.-I couldn’t find a map or anything, and on top of that, I have never toured the school, so I called my friend Laura and we were able to meet up and find my classroom. For my first class, Comp I, I was a little nervous, but found a seat next to a girl. We started talking and I found out that she was a Christian! Wow, thanks God :) I really needed something like that, and God definitely blessed me right away. I also find out she had applied at Northwestern and had toured there before! It was a great little reminder that He was right there with me. My next two classes were with my friend Laura, and they went pretty well. After classes, I headed to work and then a meeting afterwards. It was a long day.
Being home has been different. I feel really busy all the time. I REALLY miss Northwestern, but God has also blessed me so much here. Monday was a very long day, and I definitely was questioning why God placed me back here. I still don’t know, and probably won’t know for a long time, but He has it ALL under control. I feel like there is a lot on my shoulders right now, and I am not strong enough to do it on my own. With a new job and a new school, it’s a lot to handle. I want to do my absolute best with my job, and do well in school. Recently I have been listening to the song “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. This is my prayer to God right now. I don’t feel strong enough, and the first line of the song is what I have been saying to God this week.
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can feel God's presence with me as I am on campus, and I know He is doing something SO wonderful, but it's hard to just sit back. MSUM is different, but not necessarily bad. On Monday, I kept on thinking of Northwestern and how it would be if I were there, but that's not where God wanted me. Going to Northwestern was MY dream, not God's dream. As hard as it is to take my dreams and fully surrender them to God, His plans for me are SO amazing and I cannot wait to see how He uses and blesses me here. This upcoming semester will be a semester of transition, changes, and different experiences, but I have a feeling it will be a good one. I may not be strong enough to do all this on my own, but luckily, I have an indescribable God who IS strong enough, and in reality, that is all I need.
Have a BLESSED second semester,
Heather
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