Missing Out

These past two weeks have not been easy. Getting adjusted to my new school and working 22 hours a week has been a challenge, but I am slowly transitioning. Most days I feel like I have no energy whatsoever; I have reached my limit. On top of that, I have been missing Northwestern so much. Tonight as I was laying in my bed, I looked at my wall full of 30 pictures-all from NWC, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. All of the pictures are full of fun memories, and honestly, I really miss those days. Being in Fargo hasn't been necessarily bad, but it hasn't been the best either. I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and spending time here, but I miss the times at NWC. Lately I have been asking God to show me His purpose; why did He send me here and why am I missing out on Northwestern? My first semester was amazing-so many blessed friendships, fun adventures, and growth in God. I lived on a BEAUTIFUL campus on a breath taking lake, yet had a huge city at my fingertips.

Thus says the LORD,

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

“I am the LORD your God,

who teaches you to profit,

who leads you in the way you should go.

-Isaiah 48:17 

Then the Levites, Jeshua, Kadmiel, Bani, Hashabneiah, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Shebaniah, and Pethahiah, said, “Stand up and bless the LORD your God from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, which is exalted above all blessing and praise.

-Nehemiah 9:5

I don't know about you, but I do not like missing out on things. And part of me knows I am missing out on Northwestern for the next three years, and that is one reason making this transition difficult. I had so many adventures during my first semester and if I would of still been at NWC, I could of had so many more. I miss so many things about Northwestern-the people, community, campus, chapel, profs, dorms, green hall, hanging in the stud, the island, Lake Johanna, Faith Baptist Church, the Billy, and so much more. It's really hard knowing I traded all of that in for what I have now-MSUM. I don't hate MSUM, but it's just a school to me-nothing more. To me, Northwestern was so much more than a school, it was a place I called home, and I believe that's why I miss it so much. I wish I could be at NWC right now, but God has different plans, and I let Him make the decisions around here.

With Blessings,

             Heather

Philippians 4:13-Strong Enough

Although Christmas break was absolutely amazing, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Sadly enough, I had to go back to school, but this time, it was different. Monday rolled around and started pretty early; I worked at 6:45 am til 8:05 am and then went to class a couple hours later. It felt weird getting ready to go to a new school and I definitely had a lot of mixed emotions throughout the morning. As I arrived on campus and started walking around, I gave myself a little pep talk. This was it. The day I had feared, thought a lot about, prepared for, and most importantly, prayed for. The feeling of campus was so much different than Northwestern’s, but I expected that. Thinking ahead, I decided to find my first class, but of course, I got lost. Imagine that, me getting lost ;) I could not find my classroom and it was a super scary feeling.-I couldn’t find a map or anything, and on top of that, I have never toured the school, so I called my friend Laura and we were able to meet up and find my classroom. For my first class, Comp I, I was a little nervous, but found a seat next to a girl. We started talking and I found out that she was a Christian! Wow, thanks God :) I really needed something like that, and God definitely blessed me right away. I also find out she had applied at Northwestern and had toured there before! It was a great little reminder that He was right there with me. My next two classes were with my friend Laura, and they went pretty well. After classes, I headed to work and then a meeting afterwards. It was a long day.

Being home has been different. I feel really busy all the time. I REALLY miss Northwestern, but God has also blessed me so much here. Monday was a very long day, and I definitely was questioning why God placed me back here. I still don’t know, and probably won’t know for a long time, but He has it ALL under control. I feel like there is a lot on my shoulders right now, and I am not strong enough to do it on my own. With a new job and a new school, it’s a lot to handle. I want to do my absolute best with my job, and do well in school. Recently I have been listening to the song “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. This is my prayer to God right now. I don’t feel strong enough, and the first line of the song is what I have been saying to God this week.

You must

You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me

Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be

everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

For the both of us

Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Strong enough

I can feel God's presence with me as I am on campus, and I know He is doing something SO wonderful, but it's hard to just sit back. MSUM is different, but not necessarily bad. On Monday, I kept on thinking of Northwestern and how it would be if I were there, but that's not where God wanted me. Going to Northwestern was MY dream, not God's dream. As hard as it is to take my dreams and fully surrender them to God, His plans for me are SO amazing and I cannot wait to see how He uses and blesses me here. This upcoming semester will be a semester of transition, changes, and different experiences, but I have a feeling it will be a good one. I may not be strong enough to do all this on my own, but luckily, I have an indescribable God who IS strong enough, and in reality, that is all I need.

Have a BLESSED second semester,

                  Heather

Missing Northwestern

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I go to a different school. I have very mixed feelings about it, and am not quite sure how I am feeling. The other day, my lovely friend Laura brought me to MSUM and showed me around. As we arrived on campus I had an assortment of feelings; excitement, reality, scared, nervous, etc., but it made everything seem real. Now I tried not to compare MSUM to Northwestern, because honestly, no school will be able to replace NWC, but I still found myself noticing the differences. The first thing I noticed was the lack of an outdoors feel to it-not a ton of grass, trees, and no Lake Johanna. Another thing I noticed was there were a lot more buildings on campus. At the same time, I started to like it-I could see myself walking around campus and hanging with friends, but still felt the feeling of having to get use to the campus and everything else.

This whole transition has been a HUGE journey with many ups and downs. I had so much support from my friends, and most importantly, strength from God. It has been a very emotional 3 months, and the emotions are starting to die down, but I still feel sad about the whole situation.  I woke up this morning and got ready for church, then I had some free time. I decided to go check Facebook, and I saw a whole lot of statuses from all my Northwestern friends saying how they were heading back to school. It was hard to see that knowing I was not going back with them, but I have been trying to get my mind off of it. Earlier this afternoon, I started talking to one of my roommates, and it really hit me hard. I wasn't going back to our room. I was going to be able to give her a big hug. We weren't going to get ice cream in the Eagle's Nest together.

Right now, I am missing Northwestern a lot. I have been blessed so much since being in Fargo, but it is still hard to be away from my other home. I know this semester is going to take some time to get use to my new school, new classmates, old classmates, and good friends, but I have a feeling it will be a good one. Letting go of my plans and dreams and surrendering them to God has been tough, but He has this all planned out. For some reason, He has me here. Although I may not know why, I know it's something great. Not only is this a start of a new adventure at a new school, it is the start of a deeper relationship with God.

Dear Lord,
This semester is Yours. Bless me as I walk onto campus, meet new people, and share Your         love. Help me to continue to surrender everything to you and that I will follow You wherever You may lead me.  Please strengthen my faith and relationship with You and use me for Your glory. Lord, I am Yours. I am Your daughter, child, servant, but most importantly, Your salt and light of the world.

Love,
     Heather

A New Year

This morning at 3 am, I woke up to feeling very sick, so my NYE consisted of laying around home all day. I can't complain though; it was a pretty good day. Tonight, I got to spend a lot of time with God-it was so great :) I don't think I can imagine anyone better to spend NYE with :) 

Looking back on 2011, it was a great year. A lot of good things happened and God shaped me in so many ways. I would say the biggest event that occurred was graduating. Wow, what a day that was. It was a very emotional day for me and I literally felt like I was in a dream; it didn't seem real. College-another huge event in 2011. My dream finally came true of attending Northwestern College and it felt so great. College was everything I had dreamed of, and God blessed me far more than I could of ever imagined. I have changed so much since the start of college-in good ways of course! The day I left Fargo was a sad, happy, exciting, adventurous, and overwhelming day, but looking back on it, it was the start of a new adventure and a new me. Literally a day after graduation, I packed up and headed to camp to work for the summer. Crystal Springs has such a special place in my heart, and I absolutely love it. Working at camp has been so rewarding but is really hard work, but in the end, so worth it. I have had so many good things happen in 2011 with a few bad things in the mix, but I don't let those bother me.

I know a lot of people have New Years Resolutions to lose weight, eat healthy, save money, mostly to change something about themselves, etc, etc., but mine is different. I want to fully surrender my life to Him. I want to daily seek Him, desiring more and more each day. I want God to be my EVERYTHING. I don't want to be this "Christian" just going through the motions each and every day, I want to live a serving life for Christ, putting all my trust, hope, and confidence in Him. I pray that He will use me for His kingdom and to reach out to others. I am excited to see God work in my life and others in 2012-may He be glorified through absolutely everything we do. Let's make 2012 a year where we see God really move-in our lives and through non-believers' lives. Use everyday in 2012 as an opportunity to share the good news of Jesus Christ, His love, and blessings throughout our lives.

With Blessings,

        Heather

Saying Goodbyes, Saying Hellos, and Adjusting To Life

A lot has happened in the past 3 weeks:

I spent my last week at Northwestern and boy was it great. Finals went great! Praise God! He gave me so much motivation and strength; I did not feel stressed (for those of you who don't know, I get really bad test anxiety). On Tuesday my friends and I went to the Family Force 5/Hawk Nelson concert, and then afterwards, my friends had a going away party for me. It was so sweet; there was even a cake and everything! Oh, and let's just say somebody got some cake shoved in their face-it never fails to happen. We then had a girls night with facemasks, ramen, a tv show, and of course, girltalk.

Although I didn't go to sleep til 4 am, I had a hard time falling asleep. Laying in my bed, all I could think about was leaving and saying goodbyes. I just sat there and talked to God, thanking Him for bringing me to Northwestern and how much He blessed me here. I finally fell asleep and what felt like a minute later, I woke up and went to breakfast with the girls. I was very surprised they wanted to come-they are NOT morning people, and I am, so it was super sweet of them. My goal was to get through my meal plan and I did!!! It was a great accomplishment. Once we found a spot, a guy and girl came up to us. They told us they were going around and praying for people for finals week and wanted to pray for us. They asked for prayer requests and of course, I mentioned my big one: leaving Northwestern. So there I gave them a little recap, trying to hold back tears and all. It was even harder holding back those tears when they started praying for us. When the girl prayed for me she said something that really caught my attention; she said "..as you are sending Heather to her new mission field..". Mission field. I had never thought of it in that way before. Although I am just going to a new campus, it is a mission field. The world is a mission field. How come I had never thought of it in that way? Having two students pray over us was such a huge blessing. That is one reason I LOVE Northwestern-the students are so encouraging and want to share the love of Christ with one another. But it also gave me another reason to miss Northwestern. We then walked back, packed up, and I said my goodbyes-not my definition of fun, but I made it through that part. Only by the strength of God that is. The car ride home was tough; I talked to my dad a lot, but tears kept on falling. Just thinking about it was making me cry, so I tried to get my mind off it. After a 4 hour car ride, we made it home, unloaded the pickup, and I tried to unpack. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I felt empty. It felt like I was in a dream for the past 24 hours-nothing seemed real to me. I got to skype with Chrissy and Sarah which was a funny experience :) It was my first  night being home from Northwestern for good, and it wasn't easy.

Some highlights since being home:

•  I have started training for my job at the YMCA
• I got to have Dark Chocolate Peppermint Ice Cream with my best friend at Coldstone-for those of you who don't know, this ice cream is only available during Christmastime
• I got to see one of my best friends Ashlee who lives in Texas
• I went to the NDSU vs. Georgia Southern playoff game and the Bison WON!
• Visited old teachers at the high school
• Babysat for my favorite family
• Driving again!

These past two weeks have been extremely busy but really good. It's helping with the transition; it is keeping my mind off of everything, but it still hasn't been easy. I'm not sure how I'm feeling at the moment; I really miss Northwestern but I am excited for school to start. Still in the process of trying to get ready and prepared for everything, but I have great friends along my side to help me and a wonderful Savior.

I am excited to see how God is going to work in my life this next semester. This whole transition has caused me to step out and really trust Him through everything. I know He has a purpose and a reason and I am excited to see what it is. Most of all, I want God to use me for His glory-I want to be an example of Christ to my classmates, share His love, and grow in a deeper, more satisfying relationship with my Heavenly Father.

With Blessings,

        Heather

Lord, Help Me to Let Go..

I can't sleep. I have so much on my mind. Not only is it finals week, but it's also move-out week. I am leaving Northwestern soon. I am trying to not to think about it, but it is constantly on my mind. Wednesday I had my last Oasis, Thursday was my last Western Civ class, Friday was my last chapel, Art, and OT class. I am so sad. Just thinking of leaving makes me cry, and it's not going to be any better come Wednesday. Going into Thanksgiving Break, I was actually kinda excited to move back, but once I got back to Northwestern, I had a total change of heart. Now I don't want to go back at all. I feel like the joys of finals being over have completely left me. I knew leaving Northwestern would be hard, but I didn't realize it would hurt this much and be this hard. I feel like such a mess. I keep on crying. I wish I could be excited for next semester, but I'm not. Right now, following His calling is really hard and I don't want to do it. I need a lot of prayer. Wednesday is going to be hard, but I know He has such a great purpose behind this. I just can't wait to see what it is. Once He reveals His purpose, all the tears, goodbyes, and sadness will be worth it. It's going to be hard leaving Northwestern; I have made such amazing friends here that I love so much, I really feel like I belong, I go to a great church, and I have grown so much since being here. It's just hard to leave that all behind and go back to what I used to have. Northwestern has found a very special place in my heart and nothing will be able to replace it. So prayers would be appreciated as I make this transition; this is going to be tough but it is in His hands. I know it is for my good (Romans 8:28), but it's hard to do. I need to let go of my plans. There is a song by Matt Hammitt-the lead singer of Sanctus Real called "Let Go". The lyrics are absolutely amazing and right now, I can really relate to the song:

I want to hold on 'cause I'm afraid
And I didn't ask for it to be this way
Somehow I found myself caught in the grey
Reaching out for fear, running out of faith

You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go

I want to let go of what I can't change
'Cause I can't wrap my mind around Your ways
I've got more questions than I have answers these days
Please don't let my suffering go to waste

You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go

These are the moments it's hard to believe
So please help me, please help me
These are the moments of surrendering
So please help me, please help me

'Cause you know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go 



Lord, please help me to fully surrender everything to you, including my plans. You have far more planned than I can even imagine, and You are greater than anything in this life. Rid me of my selfishness and security I have in my ways, and help me to seek Your ways. I know in your timing you will reveal why I am going through this, but until then, give me peace and patience. Give me the strength to leave Northwestern, say goodbyes, and step onto a new campus. I can only do this by your strength. I am weak, but you are strong.


Love your daughter,
                      Heather

Getting Ready: Emotions, Anxiety, and So Much More

This week has been so crazy. I've been getting ready for finals and getting ready to move out/say goodbyes-the first one seems like nothing compared to the second one. I have been so blessed this semester. I cannot even put it into words. It's been so heavy on my heart, especially this week. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited for finals to be over, but only for the tests. Not for the whole saying goodbye to all my friends and not coming back to Northwestern part; it's not going to be fun. I remember the first day, meeting my roommates, my orientation group, all the sessions, etc. It was so fun yet so overwhelming.  I formed amazing friendships in the first 5 days of orientation; friends that have changed me, prayed with me, and have had crazy moments with.

I never expected that I would have to say goodbye to them so soon though. I have been finding myself in tears a lot, trying to prepare myself for next Wednesday morning when I have to say goodbye. I don't feel ready. It doesn't help that I am a super emotional person as well, it just makes it harder. I am also scared. School is going to be different: new people, different atmosphere, different friends, etc. I don't transition into things very well, so I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and stress. I am working on giving it all to God, but it's difficult. But God has blessed me with a job. I am going to be a School Age Leader at the YMCA-hanging out with elementary age kids before and after school. I am excited to have this opportunity, but it's another thing I have to get used to and transition into. I have no idea what to expect for next semester, but I know it's in His hands. I already see little parts of His purpose shining through this, and it will be amazing to see the picture as a whole when He reveals it to me. Ready or not, next Wednesday is coming; not exactly looking forward to it, but God will help me through it.

With Blessings,

              Heather