Sacred Singleness: Finding Ultimate Fulfillment in Him

Over Christmas break, I purchased a book called "Sacred Singleness" by Leslie Ludy. For all my friends out there-GO BUY IT NOW! I have read a lot of books, and I can honestly say this book is one of the few that has impacted me in such a big way.  God has really used this book to change my life-literally. Throughout this book Ludy discusses the struggles and joys many people face with singleness-and how God uses them to fall more in love with Him.  She also includes many personal examples, stories of single women, and Scripture to show God's purpose behind singleness.

In the beginning of the book, Ludy challenges the reader: "If you never got married, would He be enough?" This question really challenged me, and I began to search my heart for my desires and where God ranked among them. It was hard to admit, but my answer to that question at the time was "No". I then began a process of giving God all my desires-marriage, family, etc-and not expecting anything in return. Was it hard? So very. But looking back on it, was it worth it? Oh yes.

"He wanted me to lay down my 'right' to be married, walk down the aisle in a white dress, and live in a cute house with a white picket fence.  He was asking me to let Him be everything to me, to satisfy my every need, longing, and desire in my heart-even if an earthly prince never came my way.  It was the greatest challenge I have every faced.  Could I really let go of my precious dreams? Could I really lay my lifelong fairy-tale desires at the foot of His cross?  What if He never gave them back?  Would He really be enough to fulfill the desires of my heart, even if I never got married?"

          

                                -Sacred Singleness (Page 15)

One of my deepest desires is to get married and have children, and it has been ever since I can remember. Now that I am getting older and closer to the age of marriage, those desires have only grown. Giving God those dreams and desires was something I have wanted to do for years, and when I finally did, I found my true contentment and joy in my one and true Romancer. I felt so joyful, happy, and content. It has been a new beginning in my relationship with Him, and I felt so much security in Him-not myself. 

I have no idea if God has someone out there for me, but I do know if He does, this guy cannot give me the ultimate fulfillment and happiness-only Jesus Christ can.  This book has taught me a lot about fully depending on God and not even my husband someday. My future husband will make mistakes, say hurtful things, and not always understand me, but God will never disappoint or hurt me-I can only rely on Him.

"Singleness is an incredible opportunity to be fully consecrated in body and spirit to Jesus Christ alone--to be undistracted by any other romance and free to be consumed with Him.  And, as mentioned earlier, this is not only an amazing opportunity four our single years, but it is the absolute best way we could ever prepare for marriage.  When Jesus Christ is our all in all, we will never place unhealthy pressure upon our spouse to meet the needs only He can fill.  And if our husband is ever taken from us, we will no lose our confidence, hope, or security because it's in Jesus Christ".

                     

                                      -Page 48

My "season of singleness" could last a couple of months, years, or my entire lifetime, but I am not going to let the lies of Satan fill my head with negative thoughts.  I am not going to sit around waiting for my prince to come, because He already has.  And if God has someone for me, His love story for me will beautifully unfold before me.  So God, here are my single years. They are YOURS. Use this time in my life to pull me closer to You, serve Your kingdom, and share Your love with others.

With Blessings,

             Heather 

Steal, Kill, Destroy-John 10:10

This morning I felt something I have never experienced before. I felt like Satan was attacking me. I know Satan is real and working, but I guess this was the first time I actually felt him trying to get to me. Lately, a lot has been going on in my life, some big things, some small, but a lot has been bad. It wasn't til this morning when another bad thing happened that I realized Satan is truly trying to "destroy" me. It was the last straw for me, and it made me so upset. In John 10:10 it says:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so you may have life and have it abundantly"

Satan is fighting against God. He wants our faith in God to turn in unfaithfulness. He wants our struggles to pull us away from God, not closer. Steal, kill, destroy-those are some pretty heavy words. The thief, being Satan, wants to steal our happiness and joy in Him, but I'm not going to let him. John 10:10 was the theme verse for Sr. High Camp this last summer, and when I felt like Satan was trying to get to me, I quoted this Scripture. In Matthew 4, when Jesus was tempted by Satan, He quoted Scripture to Satan. Like it says in Ephesians, put on the armor of God.

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication" -6:13-18a

If Satan really wants to fight, I will fight. I have a powerful and mighty God. I have Scripture. Satan may be powerful, but God has even MORE power. This morning was scary-just knowing Satan was attacking me and not letting it get to me-it was difficult. Throughout the day I continually read my Bible and quoted Scripture in my head; I set my eyes on Him and kept them there.

With Blessings,

     Heather

Missing Out

These past two weeks have not been easy. Getting adjusted to my new school and working 22 hours a week has been a challenge, but I am slowly transitioning. Most days I feel like I have no energy whatsoever; I have reached my limit. On top of that, I have been missing Northwestern so much. Tonight as I was laying in my bed, I looked at my wall full of 30 pictures-all from NWC, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. All of the pictures are full of fun memories, and honestly, I really miss those days. Being in Fargo hasn't been necessarily bad, but it hasn't been the best either. I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and spending time here, but I miss the times at NWC. Lately I have been asking God to show me His purpose; why did He send me here and why am I missing out on Northwestern? My first semester was amazing-so many blessed friendships, fun adventures, and growth in God. I lived on a BEAUTIFUL campus on a breath taking lake, yet had a huge city at my fingertips.

Thus says the LORD,

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

“I am the LORD your God,

who teaches you to profit,

who leads you in the way you should go.

-Isaiah 48:17 

Then the Levites, Jeshua, Kadmiel, Bani, Hashabneiah, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Shebaniah, and Pethahiah, said, “Stand up and bless the LORD your God from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, which is exalted above all blessing and praise.

-Nehemiah 9:5

I don't know about you, but I do not like missing out on things. And part of me knows I am missing out on Northwestern for the next three years, and that is one reason making this transition difficult. I had so many adventures during my first semester and if I would of still been at NWC, I could of had so many more. I miss so many things about Northwestern-the people, community, campus, chapel, profs, dorms, green hall, hanging in the stud, the island, Lake Johanna, Faith Baptist Church, the Billy, and so much more. It's really hard knowing I traded all of that in for what I have now-MSUM. I don't hate MSUM, but it's just a school to me-nothing more. To me, Northwestern was so much more than a school, it was a place I called home, and I believe that's why I miss it so much. I wish I could be at NWC right now, but God has different plans, and I let Him make the decisions around here.

With Blessings,

             Heather

Philippians 4:13-Strong Enough

Although Christmas break was absolutely amazing, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Sadly enough, I had to go back to school, but this time, it was different. Monday rolled around and started pretty early; I worked at 6:45 am til 8:05 am and then went to class a couple hours later. It felt weird getting ready to go to a new school and I definitely had a lot of mixed emotions throughout the morning. As I arrived on campus and started walking around, I gave myself a little pep talk. This was it. The day I had feared, thought a lot about, prepared for, and most importantly, prayed for. The feeling of campus was so much different than Northwestern’s, but I expected that. Thinking ahead, I decided to find my first class, but of course, I got lost. Imagine that, me getting lost ;) I could not find my classroom and it was a super scary feeling.-I couldn’t find a map or anything, and on top of that, I have never toured the school, so I called my friend Laura and we were able to meet up and find my classroom. For my first class, Comp I, I was a little nervous, but found a seat next to a girl. We started talking and I found out that she was a Christian! Wow, thanks God :) I really needed something like that, and God definitely blessed me right away. I also find out she had applied at Northwestern and had toured there before! It was a great little reminder that He was right there with me. My next two classes were with my friend Laura, and they went pretty well. After classes, I headed to work and then a meeting afterwards. It was a long day.

Being home has been different. I feel really busy all the time. I REALLY miss Northwestern, but God has also blessed me so much here. Monday was a very long day, and I definitely was questioning why God placed me back here. I still don’t know, and probably won’t know for a long time, but He has it ALL under control. I feel like there is a lot on my shoulders right now, and I am not strong enough to do it on my own. With a new job and a new school, it’s a lot to handle. I want to do my absolute best with my job, and do well in school. Recently I have been listening to the song “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. This is my prayer to God right now. I don’t feel strong enough, and the first line of the song is what I have been saying to God this week.

You must

You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me

Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be

everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

For the both of us

Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Strong enough

I can feel God's presence with me as I am on campus, and I know He is doing something SO wonderful, but it's hard to just sit back. MSUM is different, but not necessarily bad. On Monday, I kept on thinking of Northwestern and how it would be if I were there, but that's not where God wanted me. Going to Northwestern was MY dream, not God's dream. As hard as it is to take my dreams and fully surrender them to God, His plans for me are SO amazing and I cannot wait to see how He uses and blesses me here. This upcoming semester will be a semester of transition, changes, and different experiences, but I have a feeling it will be a good one. I may not be strong enough to do all this on my own, but luckily, I have an indescribable God who IS strong enough, and in reality, that is all I need.

Have a BLESSED second semester,

                  Heather

Missing Northwestern

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I go to a different school. I have very mixed feelings about it, and am not quite sure how I am feeling. The other day, my lovely friend Laura brought me to MSUM and showed me around. As we arrived on campus I had an assortment of feelings; excitement, reality, scared, nervous, etc., but it made everything seem real. Now I tried not to compare MSUM to Northwestern, because honestly, no school will be able to replace NWC, but I still found myself noticing the differences. The first thing I noticed was the lack of an outdoors feel to it-not a ton of grass, trees, and no Lake Johanna. Another thing I noticed was there were a lot more buildings on campus. At the same time, I started to like it-I could see myself walking around campus and hanging with friends, but still felt the feeling of having to get use to the campus and everything else.

This whole transition has been a HUGE journey with many ups and downs. I had so much support from my friends, and most importantly, strength from God. It has been a very emotional 3 months, and the emotions are starting to die down, but I still feel sad about the whole situation.  I woke up this morning and got ready for church, then I had some free time. I decided to go check Facebook, and I saw a whole lot of statuses from all my Northwestern friends saying how they were heading back to school. It was hard to see that knowing I was not going back with them, but I have been trying to get my mind off of it. Earlier this afternoon, I started talking to one of my roommates, and it really hit me hard. I wasn't going back to our room. I was going to be able to give her a big hug. We weren't going to get ice cream in the Eagle's Nest together.

Right now, I am missing Northwestern a lot. I have been blessed so much since being in Fargo, but it is still hard to be away from my other home. I know this semester is going to take some time to get use to my new school, new classmates, old classmates, and good friends, but I have a feeling it will be a good one. Letting go of my plans and dreams and surrendering them to God has been tough, but He has this all planned out. For some reason, He has me here. Although I may not know why, I know it's something great. Not only is this a start of a new adventure at a new school, it is the start of a deeper relationship with God.

Dear Lord,
This semester is Yours. Bless me as I walk onto campus, meet new people, and share Your         love. Help me to continue to surrender everything to you and that I will follow You wherever You may lead me.  Please strengthen my faith and relationship with You and use me for Your glory. Lord, I am Yours. I am Your daughter, child, servant, but most importantly, Your salt and light of the world.

Love,
     Heather

A New Year

This morning at 3 am, I woke up to feeling very sick, so my NYE consisted of laying around home all day. I can't complain though; it was a pretty good day. Tonight, I got to spend a lot of time with God-it was so great :) I don't think I can imagine anyone better to spend NYE with :) 

Looking back on 2011, it was a great year. A lot of good things happened and God shaped me in so many ways. I would say the biggest event that occurred was graduating. Wow, what a day that was. It was a very emotional day for me and I literally felt like I was in a dream; it didn't seem real. College-another huge event in 2011. My dream finally came true of attending Northwestern College and it felt so great. College was everything I had dreamed of, and God blessed me far more than I could of ever imagined. I have changed so much since the start of college-in good ways of course! The day I left Fargo was a sad, happy, exciting, adventurous, and overwhelming day, but looking back on it, it was the start of a new adventure and a new me. Literally a day after graduation, I packed up and headed to camp to work for the summer. Crystal Springs has such a special place in my heart, and I absolutely love it. Working at camp has been so rewarding but is really hard work, but in the end, so worth it. I have had so many good things happen in 2011 with a few bad things in the mix, but I don't let those bother me.

I know a lot of people have New Years Resolutions to lose weight, eat healthy, save money, mostly to change something about themselves, etc, etc., but mine is different. I want to fully surrender my life to Him. I want to daily seek Him, desiring more and more each day. I want God to be my EVERYTHING. I don't want to be this "Christian" just going through the motions each and every day, I want to live a serving life for Christ, putting all my trust, hope, and confidence in Him. I pray that He will use me for His kingdom and to reach out to others. I am excited to see God work in my life and others in 2012-may He be glorified through absolutely everything we do. Let's make 2012 a year where we see God really move-in our lives and through non-believers' lives. Use everyday in 2012 as an opportunity to share the good news of Jesus Christ, His love, and blessings throughout our lives.

With Blessings,

        Heather

Saying Goodbyes, Saying Hellos, and Adjusting To Life

A lot has happened in the past 3 weeks:

I spent my last week at Northwestern and boy was it great. Finals went great! Praise God! He gave me so much motivation and strength; I did not feel stressed (for those of you who don't know, I get really bad test anxiety). On Tuesday my friends and I went to the Family Force 5/Hawk Nelson concert, and then afterwards, my friends had a going away party for me. It was so sweet; there was even a cake and everything! Oh, and let's just say somebody got some cake shoved in their face-it never fails to happen. We then had a girls night with facemasks, ramen, a tv show, and of course, girltalk.

Although I didn't go to sleep til 4 am, I had a hard time falling asleep. Laying in my bed, all I could think about was leaving and saying goodbyes. I just sat there and talked to God, thanking Him for bringing me to Northwestern and how much He blessed me here. I finally fell asleep and what felt like a minute later, I woke up and went to breakfast with the girls. I was very surprised they wanted to come-they are NOT morning people, and I am, so it was super sweet of them. My goal was to get through my meal plan and I did!!! It was a great accomplishment. Once we found a spot, a guy and girl came up to us. They told us they were going around and praying for people for finals week and wanted to pray for us. They asked for prayer requests and of course, I mentioned my big one: leaving Northwestern. So there I gave them a little recap, trying to hold back tears and all. It was even harder holding back those tears when they started praying for us. When the girl prayed for me she said something that really caught my attention; she said "..as you are sending Heather to her new mission field..". Mission field. I had never thought of it in that way before. Although I am just going to a new campus, it is a mission field. The world is a mission field. How come I had never thought of it in that way? Having two students pray over us was such a huge blessing. That is one reason I LOVE Northwestern-the students are so encouraging and want to share the love of Christ with one another. But it also gave me another reason to miss Northwestern. We then walked back, packed up, and I said my goodbyes-not my definition of fun, but I made it through that part. Only by the strength of God that is. The car ride home was tough; I talked to my dad a lot, but tears kept on falling. Just thinking about it was making me cry, so I tried to get my mind off it. After a 4 hour car ride, we made it home, unloaded the pickup, and I tried to unpack. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I felt empty. It felt like I was in a dream for the past 24 hours-nothing seemed real to me. I got to skype with Chrissy and Sarah which was a funny experience :) It was my first  night being home from Northwestern for good, and it wasn't easy.

Some highlights since being home:

•  I have started training for my job at the YMCA
• I got to have Dark Chocolate Peppermint Ice Cream with my best friend at Coldstone-for those of you who don't know, this ice cream is only available during Christmastime
• I got to see one of my best friends Ashlee who lives in Texas
• I went to the NDSU vs. Georgia Southern playoff game and the Bison WON!
• Visited old teachers at the high school
• Babysat for my favorite family
• Driving again!

These past two weeks have been extremely busy but really good. It's helping with the transition; it is keeping my mind off of everything, but it still hasn't been easy. I'm not sure how I'm feeling at the moment; I really miss Northwestern but I am excited for school to start. Still in the process of trying to get ready and prepared for everything, but I have great friends along my side to help me and a wonderful Savior.

I am excited to see how God is going to work in my life this next semester. This whole transition has caused me to step out and really trust Him through everything. I know He has a purpose and a reason and I am excited to see what it is. Most of all, I want God to use me for His glory-I want to be an example of Christ to my classmates, share His love, and grow in a deeper, more satisfying relationship with my Heavenly Father.

With Blessings,

        Heather