Lord, Help Me to Let Go..

I can't sleep. I have so much on my mind. Not only is it finals week, but it's also move-out week. I am leaving Northwestern soon. I am trying to not to think about it, but it is constantly on my mind. Wednesday I had my last Oasis, Thursday was my last Western Civ class, Friday was my last chapel, Art, and OT class. I am so sad. Just thinking of leaving makes me cry, and it's not going to be any better come Wednesday. Going into Thanksgiving Break, I was actually kinda excited to move back, but once I got back to Northwestern, I had a total change of heart. Now I don't want to go back at all. I feel like the joys of finals being over have completely left me. I knew leaving Northwestern would be hard, but I didn't realize it would hurt this much and be this hard. I feel like such a mess. I keep on crying. I wish I could be excited for next semester, but I'm not. Right now, following His calling is really hard and I don't want to do it. I need a lot of prayer. Wednesday is going to be hard, but I know He has such a great purpose behind this. I just can't wait to see what it is. Once He reveals His purpose, all the tears, goodbyes, and sadness will be worth it. It's going to be hard leaving Northwestern; I have made such amazing friends here that I love so much, I really feel like I belong, I go to a great church, and I have grown so much since being here. It's just hard to leave that all behind and go back to what I used to have. Northwestern has found a very special place in my heart and nothing will be able to replace it. So prayers would be appreciated as I make this transition; this is going to be tough but it is in His hands. I know it is for my good (Romans 8:28), but it's hard to do. I need to let go of my plans. There is a song by Matt Hammitt-the lead singer of Sanctus Real called "Let Go". The lyrics are absolutely amazing and right now, I can really relate to the song:

I want to hold on 'cause I'm afraid
And I didn't ask for it to be this way
Somehow I found myself caught in the grey
Reaching out for fear, running out of faith

You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go

I want to let go of what I can't change
'Cause I can't wrap my mind around Your ways
I've got more questions than I have answers these days
Please don't let my suffering go to waste

You know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go

These are the moments it's hard to believe
So please help me, please help me
These are the moments of surrendering
So please help me, please help me

'Cause you know what I don't
So help me to let go
You're in control
So help me to let go
I want to let go 



Lord, please help me to fully surrender everything to you, including my plans. You have far more planned than I can even imagine, and You are greater than anything in this life. Rid me of my selfishness and security I have in my ways, and help me to seek Your ways. I know in your timing you will reveal why I am going through this, but until then, give me peace and patience. Give me the strength to leave Northwestern, say goodbyes, and step onto a new campus. I can only do this by your strength. I am weak, but you are strong.


Love your daughter,
                      Heather