Last summer all I could think about was going to Northwestern. I could not really describe my excitement. Anyone who knows me knew how much I truly wanted to go to NWC and it was finally going to happen. Because I worked at camp, I was able to talk to a bunch of people about college-I talked about fears, dreams, expectations, and asked for a lot of advice.
The feeling of knowing something great was going to happen was instilled in me all summer. I knew God was going to change me, shape me, stretch me, bend me, etc, but it was going to bring me closer to Him.
Since I am no longer a freshmen, I kind of miss that excitement. You honestly don't know what college is like until you experience it, and I feel like the summer prior to college is full of expectations and excitement. Once you go to college, you realize what it's like. Some things are just how you imagined, others are not. But it's college.
Throughout the semester I have struggled. I've missed NWC so much but I have felt content at the same time. It's been the toughest thing to do, yet I have seen and experienced God's blessings within my life. This is where God wants me and He has made it clear, but it is still hard to accept. I would give anything just to go back to NWC in August. See all my friends. Eat in the Billy. Move back into the dorms. But I know I can't.
Why?
Because God led me to MSUM.
I still don't know why, but I am trusting in His timing and promise from Romans 8:28.
And we know that for those who love God
all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
With the school year just around the corner, I want that repeat of last year. I want to feel that excitement and return to NWC. I miss everything about it, and I still want to go back. But I can't. It's a hard place to be because I want to be content in God's plans, but the selfish part of me wants what I desire-not God's desires. It's difficult to follow the Lord and what He has planned and it's mostly because I am not the one in charge. By the end of Spring Semester, I was loving MSUM and everything about where I was but now I feel like I did before. I guess I didn't realize how hard it would be to start school again without going back to NWC.
Life is going to be full of these moments-moments where we feel like everything is falling apart. But in reality, it is God working. Our hearts desires will differ from God's, but in the end, His way will prevail and it's for OUR good. I want that mind that is set on the ways of the Lord but often find myself desiring different things. It's just one of those things that we, as followers of Christ, try to cling to. Instead we must cling to Christ because He is our only hope, foundation, and purpose in this life.
Lord,
It's so hard to desire your ways, especially when my heart is set on something else. I admit I do not always realize Your beauty in every situation, which makes it less appealing to my eyes. Help me to remember the promise and how You will always have a plan for me. Give me a desire for You.
With Blessings,
Heather
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